Archive for April, 2012

Sildenafil citrate. Sold under the trade name, 'Viagra.'

   

   ATLANTA, Ga – The Federal Food and Drug Administration has announced testing of new formulations of Sildenafil citrate. Sold under the trade name, ‘Viagra’, Sildenafil citrate is a drug used to… let’s just say it helps to please a woman. But now there is a whole family of new drugs scientists are working on in the ‘Viagra’ family that may bring even more pleasure to women:

DRYAGRA – Men taking this formulation will remember to put the toilet seat down.

WASHANDRYAGRA – Men taking this drug, men experienced overwhelming desire to do the laundry.

BUYAGRA – Married men taking this drug reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts.

STIRFRYAGRA – Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to cook oriental meals and clean up the kitchen afterwards.

BABYBYAGRA- Men taking this drug are more likely to change wet and stinky diapers, and rock the baby to sleep.

NO-LIAGRA – This drug causes men to be fully truthful when being asked questions by their wives. It is available in over-the-counter Regular, and prescription Grand Jury and Presidential Strength.

NO-GUYAGRA – Allows men to give up a night of playing Poker to stay home with their wife.

FLYAGRA – Men taking this drug have the urge to fly their wife to the Caymen islands.

WHEREAMIAGRA – a dose of this drug allows men to stop and ask for directions.

DRYWALLAGRA – Men given this experimental new drug are more likely to finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

COMPLIMENTAGRA – In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed when their wives had a new hairstyle.

But the most exciting news is in the new formulations that suppress the negative aspects of manhood:

NEGA-VIAGRA – Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA – This very strong drug makes men want to turn off televised sports.

FLATULAGRA – No comment.

A young woman brushing up on her language skills

   Many times, a woman will say something to a man, and the man will take it on it’s surface . This can lead to problems, especially when what the woman says does not truely convey what she’s feeling. This lexicon of women’s words will alert men to words that women use that have a double meaning – and hopefully, keep them out of trouble.

The Word -> the meaning:

“Fine” -> This single word has a trilogy of meaning: 1) This discussion is over, 2) I am right, and 3) you need to shut up.

“Five Minutes” -> This word must be taken in context. 1) If she is getting dressed, it means half-an-hour. 2) If it is the amount of time she gives you to watch the football game before helping around the house, it means one-and-a-half minutes.

  • “Nothing” -> This word is the warning before the storm. It actually means “something” and you should be on your toes. Heated arguments that begin with “Nothing” usually end in “Fine.”
  • “Go ahead” -> You must understand that this word is a dare, not permission, Whatever it is… DON’T DO IT!
  • A Loud Sigh (nonverbal) -> Although not actually a word, the ‘loud sigh’ is often misunderstood by men. A ‘Loud Sigh’ means “You are an idiot and I don’t know why I waste my time standing here and arguing with you over ‘Nothing’.”
  • “That’s Okay” ->One of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. ‘That’s Okay’ means “I want you to stop and really think long and hard before you do something stupid and I have to decide how to make you pay for your mistake.”
  • “I don’t care” -> Simply put, this means “I care about this subject more than you can imagine. I already know what I expect and it is your job to figure it out. If you get it wrong, your life will become a living hell.”
  • “I love you” -> Means “You’re so gullible.”
  • “Do you love me?” -> “Am I getting fat?”
  • “Am I getting fat?” -> means “Do you still love me?” (DON’T answer – it’s a trick question. If you say “Yes,” she thinks you called her fat, if you say “No,” she’ll think you don’t love her!)
  • “Thank you” -> This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman thanks you, do not question it, just say “you’re welcome” and slowly back out of the room.
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    Questions and Answers about women

    Dangerous questions

Just because you're old, doesn't mean you're dead!

   Gloria was a widow on the make at the local nursing home. She was after just about every man in the place. “Frank,” she said. “Hmmmm,” he replied from his hiding place behind the newspaper. He was not really wanting to start a conversation with Gloria. Especially this conversation. “Do I look old?” she asked. “Hmmmm,” he replied again.

   “Well, I don’t feel old. My hair may be grey, my eyelids drooping, and the ‘girls’ are hanging farther South these days, but I think all in all, I look pretty good. What do you think?” she asked.

“No, you don’t look old.” he replied,

She continued to pester him for reassurance. “I just feel like I’m old and matronly. How old do you think I look?”

   Finally, he put the newspaper down. “Gloria,” he said, “You have the body of a 24-year-old, the face of a 20-year-old, and the hair of an 18-year-old.” “Thank you, Frank,” she said. Frank said, “Now, let me finish… I haven’t added them up yet.”

Dangerous Questions

Mirror, mirror, tell me a lie

 

 
This garage is perfect size for the the smallest car ever built.

 

 
Now that you’ve seen the smallest car ever built, take a look at the smallest garage in the world.