Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

veteranarian

When she was young, my daughter Rachael had a pet hamster. She named him Wilbur. She would set Wilbur beside her while she watched cartoons on TV and play with him during the commercials. That is, if he didn’t sneak off while she wasn’t paying attention.

Now, hamsters are not known for their longevity. One day Rachael brought Wilbur to me and said something was wrong with him. He was stiff, cold and not breathing.

“Honey, I’m afraid Wilbur is dead.” I said softly.

“No, he isn’t!” she protested.

“I’m pretty sure he is.” I replied.

“No, we have to take him to the doctor, she cried.

So we took him to a veterinarian.

The vet broke the news to Rachael. “Rachael, Your father is correct. It was Wilbur’s time to go, and he is no longer with us.” Then he said to me, “That’ll be $10 for the visit.”

Amid Rachael’s sobbing and disbelief, I asked, “You’re absolutely sure he’s gone?”

“Well, just a minute,” he said, and brought in a calico tabby. The cat licked Wilbur from head to toe, then lowered her head and gave a soft, “meow.” The vet then brought in a Golden Retriever. The dog sniffed Wilbur, then lowered his head and gave a soft, “woof.” “That’s conclusive, said the vet. “He’s definitely dead,” and added, “that will be $250 for the visit.”

“Now wait a minute,” I said, “It was only a $10 visit a minute ago.”

“Well, yes,” said the vet. “That was before you ordered the cat scan and the lab test.”

 

The amazing talking dog

 

Thank you for the dog

The amazing talking dog

Justin Wilson, Cajun cook and storyteller
1914 - 2001

   [Author’s Note: I don’t know for sure, but I attribute this story to Justin Wilson.]

   Back in the swamplands of Southern Louisiana, Theodore had some city folk to come visit him. While they were visiting, they wanted to experience some true bayou life, so they asked Theodore if he would take them to try some alligator hunting. Theodore was obliging, so Theodore and the two men loaded up their rifles in his pickup truck and headed out under the Spanish Moss down an unpaved road back into the darkest part of the Bayou.

   Theodore told the fellows, “Naw ah have to make a stop ‘a the Broussard place an’ let ’em know we’ll be ‘ta roamin’ his property,” Theodore told them. So Theodore stopped the truck near where some cattle were grazing and walked up to the Broussard cottage.

“‘Lo, Amos!” Theodore called.

“‘Lo, Theo,” Amos replied. “What you about these parts for?”

Theodore told him, “Ah got some city folk visitin’ and they wan’ try their hands at a ‘gator hunt. So’s I tol’ ’em we’d try out yore way, but ‘figured I’d stop t’ ask first. Ya’ll doing well, I presume?” asked Theo.

“Not the best of days ever I see’d.” said Amos.

“Whaz goin’ on?” asked Theo.

“Well, my old kine Abigale is ill, and Doc says she’s too old to recover. I hate to see her suffer. She needs to be put down, but I ain’t got the heart. It tears me up somethin’ fierce.”

“Amos, if it’d do you, I got the rifle in the truck wi’ me. I’ll jus’ take care o’ that for you, then me and them boyz’ll be on our way.”

“‘Preciate you’d do that for me, Theo. Yo’re a good man.” said Amos.

   As Theodore walked back to the truck, he spotted the old cow, Abigale, and decided to have some fun with the city folk.

“Dang that Amos Broussard!” Theodore hollered. “He makes me madder ‘an a wet hornet.”

“What happened?” the men asked.

“He said he’s tired o’ people tramplin’ up his property, cuttin’ his fences, an’ leavin’ they trash behind, and said he won’t let us hunt his land. Now, we been frien’s near twenee-six year, I ‘tol him. I hain’t never did you no ways wrong, but he said he didn’ care. Wasn’t no way he’s lettin’ some city folk come cross his lan’ an take a ‘gator.”

“Well, what are we going to do?” the city boys asked.

“I’ll show him friendship!” and Theodore grabbed his hunting rifle, walked over to Abigale, and *BLAM* shot her in the head.

Then, from behind, he heard two more shots: *BLAM – BLAM*. Theodore turned around to see one of his guests putting his rifle back in the truck. “Come on, Theodore! I just shot two more cows… now let’s get out of here.”

Theodore’s four doors

Kat Kan Cat Food

Posted: June 16, 2012 in Animals
Tags: , , ,

This is a video I made about 1982. It’s a commercial for Kat Kan Cat Food. The acting is bad, the lighting is bad, the sound is bad, the color is bad. But give me a break, I believe it may have been made before television was invented.


Kat Kan Cat Food, for your healthy cat.

(video opens in a pop-up)

Catching Nemo

Posted: June 9, 2012 in Animals, Sports, Work
Tags: , , , , , ,

Catching Nemo

   My cousin, Wayne, is an avid fisherman. He had fished all the rivers and lakes around his home in East Tennessee by the time he was fifteen. But real life sometimes distracts us from what we love to do most, and life after graduating college is no exception. He got a job, and it took him away from the land of rivers and lakes. He had moved to Boston, Massachusetts, but his desires of being out on the lake with a rod and a tackle box never subsided.

   After telling his co-workers relentlessly over the years of his great fishing exploits, he finally had the chance to share with them exactly what he was talking about. He and two co-workers were scheduled for a conference in Knoxville, Tennessee, and he was sure to build some “leisure time” into their itinerary.

   His excitement grew as he took his co-workers to the home of his childhood, where trophy-sized mounted fish still hung in his bedroom, and a bass boat sat waiting in the garage.

   So Wayne got the boat, his two friends, and all the bait they could muster, and headed out to the lake. They had been out in the boat about fifteen minutes when Wayne’s rod bowed over to the point it looked like it would break the line. “That’s how you do it boys!” Wayne hollered. He pulled, and rested as the fish would come in toward the boat, then turn and make a run, spinning the line back off the reel.

   After fighting for two or three minutes solid, Wayne finally pulled in the biggest, heaviest, monster bass he had ever caught in his life. He was already thinking about how grand it would look mounted next to the others at his parent’s house. “What do you think of that boys?” Wayne asked his two guests with obvious pride.

“We thought you said you caught big fish here in Tennessee. Back home, we’d just throw one that small back.”

Disheartened, Wayne said, “We do too.” and tossed the behemoth back into the water – to which his two guests immediately confessed, “Are you kidding us? You threw it back? That was the biggest fish we ever saw in our lives!”

 
Boat Launch – You’re doing it wrong

 
Uncle Ezra goes fishin’

   Uncle Ezra and his friend, Roosevelt, decided to go try hunting one Saturday morning. Having never been before, they decided that their best chance for success would be to go as far away from civilization as they could. They drove their pickup for miles back into the woods, along the infrequently traveled Fire Tower Road. When, they reached the fire tower, they parked and walked farther into the thickest, densest part of the woods, and sat in a bramble thicket.

There they waited for a deer to come by. And waited.

“SShhh,” whispered Roosevelt, “I think I hear somethin’.”

   Sure enough, it was a buck deer with huge antlers. They could barely contain their excitement as the buck walked toward them, closer, closer. Then “BOOM!” The sound of the rifle split the silence. They had gotten their first deer of the season.

   Roosevelt grabbed the deer by the hind legs and started dragging him through the brush, toward the truck. “Help me, Ezra, grab that other leg,” he said. They pulled and tugged, but the antlers keep getting tangled in the weeds. They had been working unsuccessfully at dragging the deer out for about ten minutes when the game warden showed up.

   “I heard your shot, and I’ll need to check your license”, he said. They handed over their licenses and the warden glanced them over. “Your paperwork’s good,” he said. “That’s a fine-looking deer you got. Is this your first one?” he asked. “Yes” Roosevelt replied. The warden said, “I noticed you were having trouble taking it out of here. You might find it easier if you pull it by the antlers.” As he walked away, he called back, “You two have a good evening.” And he left.

   So Uncle Ezra and Roosevelt grabbed the deer by the antlers and began dragging him out of the woods. This time, they made much faster progress. “The Warden was shore ’nuff right,” Roosevelt said, “It’s much faster dragging him by the antlers.”

“Yeah, ’tis,” said Uncle Ezra, “We’re makin’ much better progress, but unfortunately, now we’re getting farther and farther away from the truck.”

 
Uncle Ezra goes fishing

 
Uncle Ezra stays out all night