Archive for the ‘Police’ Category

The Tennessee Highway Patrol

In the Northern part of the state, an older lady in a late-model Cadillac is being pursued by the Tennessee Highway Patrol for speeding along I-75. She was traveling at nearly 100 mph. At first, she wouldn’t slow down. It almost appeared as if she were making a run for the Kentucky state line. Finally, after two or three miles of pursuit and a couple of quick blasts on the siren, she finally pulls over.

“Is there a problem, Officer?” she asks.

“Ma’am, you were going nearly a hundred miles an hour.” he replies. “May I see your license and registration?”

“I don’t have a license or a registration. You see, I really don’t drive that much.”

The Officer asks, “Then can I see your proof of insurance?”

“I’m not insured,” she says, “They won’t cover me since my drunk driving convictions.”

“Drunk driving convictions?” he repeated.

“Last month, while I was on probation,” she explained.

“Are you on probation now?” he asked.

“Yes, for a convenience store robbery,” she said in a matter-of-fact manner. “The gun is here in the glove box.”

Now the trooper was getting nervous,”Robbery, gun?”

“Well, now I’ve stolen this car,” she said, “and I killed the owner and stuffed him in the trunk with 300 kilos of purified cocaine.”

   The Officer tells the woman, “Keep your hands where I can see them and don’t move. Just stay right where you are.” He slowly backs away to his patrol car and calls for back up. Within minutes five more police cars encircle the Cadillac. The senior officer slowly approaches the car, with his service weapon drawn.

“Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!” he calls. The woman steps out of her vehicle. She asks, “Is there a problem sir?”

“One of my officers tells me that you have no identification, you’re on probation with a felony conviction, and have a weapon in the glove box of this stolen car.”

“Felony probation? Guns? Stolen car? Oh my goodness! I have never heard such outlandish talk.” she asked.

“Could you just open the trunk of your car, please?” the Senior Trooper asked. The woman opens the trunk revealing nothing but a spare tire.

“Is this your car, ma’am?” the trooper asks.

She replies, “Yes, here are the registration papers and my proof of insurance.” The officer is quite confused.

“My officer claims that you do not have a driver’s license.” The woman digs into her clutch purse and pulls out a driver’s license. She hands it to the officer. The officer examines her license. He looks quite puzzled.

“Well, ma’am, thank you. The reason we pulled you over today is one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, registration, or insurance, that you’re on probation for robbing a convenience store, you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner, and stuffed him in the trunk with a copious amount of illegal drugs.”

“What an imagination!” the woman said, “and I suppose the liar told you I was driving something like a 100 mph too.”

I’ve been driving 40 years now

A Traffic Stop on Interstate 40

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A policeman conducts a routine traffic stop.

   The Police got a call on the radio that there were four elderly women traveling in a silver mini-van, driving slowly and blocking up traffic on the interstate. The motorist who called in to report the van stated she was mostly concerned that someone my strike the van from behind and cause a huge pile-up, as most of the interstate traffic was moving along at 70 to 75 miles per hour.

   The Tennessee Highway Patrol spotted the van traveling northeast at slightly over 40 mph. Several cars and trucks were backing up behind as they attempted to form a single line to pass. The trooper pulled the van over.

“Good afternoon, ladies,” the trooper said as he approached the car. “License and registration, please.”

   While the elderly driver fumbled around looking for the legal paperwork, the trooper scanned the interior. Sure enough, there were four old ladies in the van. Only the driver seemed cognizant. The other three appeared to be catatonic, hands tightly gripping the door handles, eyes wide open looking straight ahead, and they sat motionless.

“Ma’am, I stopped you for doing 40 mph in a 70 mph zone. It’s just as dangerous to travel under the speed limit as it is over the speed limit, and the law says you must maintain at least 45 mph when driving on the Interstate.” said the trooper.

“But all the signs I’ve seen said “40” she replied.

“Those are highway markers, ma’am. You’re driving on Interstate 40.”

“Well, I’ll be a monkey’s aunt,” she replied.

“Are your passengers all right?” the trooper asked. “They seem a bit shaken up.”

“Oh, They’ll be alright in a few minutes, officer,” the driver said. “We just got off Highway 160.”

Another traffic stop

Alcohol abuse counseling

Traffic Stop

Posted: April 19, 2012 in Cars, Police
Tags: , , , , , ,

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   A traffic cop watches as a motorist passes by at a high rate of speed weaving in and out of traffic. The policeman begins pursuit, and follows the driver as he runs through three red lights, jumps the curb, and turns down a one-way street against traffic.

   Finally, the driver stops and the policeman pulls in behind him. The policeman approaches the car. There is a man and a woman in the front seat. “Do you have any i.d?” he asks the driver. “Any i.d. ’bout what?” responds the driver. The policeman says, “Let me see your license and registration.” The man replies, “Now look, you all need to get your act together. You just took my license away last week ’cause I ain’t got no registration.”

   The policeman decides to make an arrest and says, “I pulled you over because you went through three red lights.” “Did I?” asked the man, “I’m color blind.” “Well, you were also exceeding the speed limit,” said the policeman. “Well, my speedometer broke and I ain’t had time to fix it,” said the motorist. “And, you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,” added the officer. “I always did have a lousy sense of direction,” said the motorist. “on top of all that, you could have hit and injured someone; you were weaving on and off the road,” he continued. “Well, if people don’t like the way I drive, they should stay off the sidewalks,” said the man with a smile.

   At that point, the policeman got angry and said,”What are you, some kind of wise guy?” The wife leaned over from the passenger seat and said, “Don’t pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he’s drunk.”

Words drunks can’t say

Just can’t wait

Just can’t wait…

A traffic stop

“Calling all cars, Calling all cars”

 

I just can’t wait

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