Archive for the ‘WalMart’ Category

Turtle Candies get their name from their whimsical turtle shape.

 
   Valentine’s Day, 1995. I bought my wife her favorite chocolate treat — Turtles. The combination of toasted pecans, soft caramel and smooth chocolate is impossible to resist. I decided to rather than just hand them to her in some sloven, unromantic way, that I’d make a game of it.
 
   I stopped by after work and bought the Turtles. Then, I rushed home to set my game into place. I knew I only had a few minutes until my wife got home, so I had to hurry. I carefully cut little place cards out of card stock, and wrote messages on each.  

The first note said,

Happy Valentine’s Day. To show you that I love you, I bought you a gift. But you must find it. You can start by looking on the dining room table.

   On the dining room table was another note card. This one said, “Before you search, you must first check the clock to see what time it is.”

Inside the wall clock was the third note. “It seems it is near dinner time. Maybe you should check the oven?”

   The fourth note was inside the oven. “You’ll want to clean up before you enjoy the delectable treat I have for you. Try checking the medicine cabinet.”

… and so it went. But she got home earlier than I expected. She was already hot on the trail, and I still had to place the last note and hide the candy. As she darted from room to room, I waited for my chance. The last note went on the bed, and said, “Not ON the bed, look UNDER the bed. I love you!” Then she would find her Turtles nesting under our bed.

Only they weren’t there yet.

   As soon as she headed for the back bedroom, I jumped up and ran to our bedroom. I quickly placed the last note card, and dropped the box of Turtles on the floor, giving it a quick kick under the bed. But it didn’t go. I crouched down and lifted the bed skirt. Oh, there’s the problem. My wife had something wrapped in a WalMart bag stuffed under the bed. I shoved it to the side and slid my Turtles in place. I hopped up and returned to the living room sofa, trying to hide the fact that I only planned and executed this little game 30 minutes earlier.

   She headed for the bedroom. There was a long silent pause. Then laughter. She came out carrying two boxes of Turtles, one from me to her and one from her to me — still wrapped in a WalMart bag.

Scary!

A recipe for home-made Turtles.

!0 Rules for Dating TOP TEN Rules for Dating My Daughter.

The Lieutenant’s Cookies

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A young checkout girl at WalMart can influence a man's clothing decisions.

   Human Psychology says that what clothing a man wears is very dependent on the reward he expects to receive in return for any extra effort it takes to look a little better. In other words, the greater the potential of reward, the better a man will dress. However, there is a conflicting theory that says as a man grows older, he couldn’t care less what he looks like, regardless of the potential of reward.

   Let’s look at an example. Given the potential to enter into a relationship with the pretty girl (pictured at left), and the effects of aging, here are my observations on men dressing:

The Situation:

   You are in the middle of some kind of fix-up project around the house, such as mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old “work clothes” on, and you know exactly the outfit I’m talking about: that old Boy George and the Culture Club t-shirt with yellowed armpits, the shorts with the hole in the crotch, and an old pair of white tennis shoes, the toes of which are grass-stained green.

   Right in the middle of the most crucial part of your home improvement project, you realize you need to run to WalMart to get something to complete the job. Depending on your age, and the potential to have to inter-act with people, you will do one of the following:

   You stop what you are doing. Take a shower. Shave. Blow-dry your hair. Brush your teeth. Floss. Gargle. Put on neat, clean, leisure-lifestyle clothes. You check your face and your abs in the mirror and flex your biceps. You add a splash of your cheap cologne Aunt Margaret bought you for your birthday. You never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. Actually, it turns out you go to school with the pretty girl running the register.

   You stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and polo shirt. Change your shoes. You married the hot chick who worked the WalMart register, so there’s no need to be prowling around. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. You still got it. To cover the smell of sweat, you add a shot of your AXE cologne – which you can afford now that you have a job. The cute girl running the register is the younger sister to someone you went to high school with.

   You stop what you are doing. You put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the broken zipper of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat to cover your mussed hair. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute cologne is almost empty and you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to WalMart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more belly-sucking-in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register at WalMart is your daughter’s age and you feel kind of creepy for just talking to her. You wonder how many guys think your daughter is just as spicy.

   Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on to cover your hair loss, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to track dirt into your brand new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror. Swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it accentuates your man-boobs. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have what it takes. What you don’t realize is that the T shirt you have on is from your buddy’s bait shop and it says, “I Got Worms.”

   Stop what you are doing. Realize that you need to go to WalMart to get something you’ll need to finish the job. Don’t bother with your face or your shirt — why would you? You haven’t bothered to check yourself in the mirror since you turned 58. There is no need for a hat anymore, either. Hose the dog poop off your shoes. As you drive to the WalMart, you remember there’s a hole in your shorts and you hope you have some underwear on.

   Forget what you are doing. Remember what you were doing. Start doing it again. Remember why you stopped the first time. You decide to wait to go to Walmart until you go in the house and get your prescriptions so you can have them filled at the same time. Don’t see, smell, or even care that there is dog poop on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather who recently passed away.

   Stop what you are doing. Rest. Start again. Then stop again. Rest. Now you remember that you need to go to WalMart for something to finish the job. Go to WalMart and wander around trying to remember what it was you came for. Fart out loud and turn around because you think someone called out your name. Leave streaks of dog poop off your shoes from the front to the back of the store. Stop to talk to the decrepit, crotchety old lady that greeted you at the front door and discover that she went to school with you.

 
 

 
Click here to see the picture.

 
 
 
How to spot a divorced woman

Letter from a Hillbilly mom

Oh, really?

Posted: May 31, 2012 in WalMart
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WalMart 
   The local WalMart was proud to hire a recent Air Force retiree as a show of their support for the military community. It should have been a win-win situation for both parties — the retiree slipping in to a stable and well-paying civilian position, and WalMart gaining an employee with the loyalty and discipline of a military professional.

But it wasn’t working out.

   The store manager moved the former airman from management, to sales, to stockman, to janitor. It wasn’t that he was a bad worker. It just seemed the man had no sense of time. He would arrive late, leave early, he would spend lots of time standing around talking about ways to improve operations, but he wouldn’t implement any of them. The store manager knew it would look bad on Wal Mart to fire a veteran, so he gave him one last chance to redeem himself: Door Greeter. And to ensure he made the most of this final opportunity, the manager would have a little talk with him.

   “Look,” the manager began, “You’re arriving late, you’re leaving early, you’re spending a lot of time socializing, and not doing your job. We can’t have that kind of behavior, so we’re giving you one last chance — as Door Greeter. I just don’t understand you. Surely you didn’t behave like this when you were in the service?” The retiree said, “Pretty much.” The manager was confounded. “Well what did they say to you in the military when you arrived for work twenty minutes late?”

He replied, “Usually they would say, Good morning, General. Here’s your coffee.”

One Cadet’s opinion

WalMart BINGO

The military service’s top aviation photos for 2011

 
Walmart Bag   BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS – Do you really ♥ Wal Mart? Then Wal Mart bag fashions are for you!

   Today Wal Mart introduces a new, low-cost fashion line in stores across the Southeast. The new garments, called “bag clothes” are being introduced on a trial basis, and come free with every purchase. The more items you purchase, the more bag garments you receive.

   In addition to being no-cost, the line of clothing is biodegradable and recyclable as well.  
 

The effect of age and pretty girls on what men wear
 
Check out more Wal Mart fashions at the People of Wal Mart website.

Play WalMart Bingo

Walmart Bingo

Posted: April 7, 2012 in Toys, WalMart
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WalMart Bingo

Here's a game for you to enjoy with friends on your next trip to WalMart.

WalMart bag fashions

WalMart meets the Air Force