Posts Tagged ‘kids’

McMonopoly

Posted: October 11, 2012 in Family, Food, Kids, Uncategorized
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McDonalds' Monopoly Gamepiece - peel it
to reveal a winner.

   McDonald’s just launched their 20th annual Monopoly game contest. When you buy certain food and drink items from McDonald’s, you get two or four game pieces attached to the packaging. You peel the game pieces off to reveal either an instant win coupon or a monopoly property card that you collect for a big prize.

   My daughter has always been a fan of these games of chance. One Christmas, when she was about 10, she wanted to hang around the store after we bought our Christmas gifts so she could win the door prize. I tried my best to discourage her so we could go home, but she begged, and so we stayed. She won the door prize — a diamond bracelet worth about $200.

   The other night, the family was eating at McD’s, and my daughter pulls her Monopoly game pieces from her drink cup. WINNER! She wins a free Tropical Smoothie.

    She goes up to the counter to claim it, and she comes back with a large milk shake instead. The guy behind the counter made another customer the wrong drink, so he let my daughter have it for free… WINNER! Oh and, by the way, the milk shake had two more Monopoly pull-off pieces. You guessed it. WINNER! – She wins a free order of fries to go with that milk shake and smoothie.

   So what did I get on my drink cup Monopoly pull-offs? Luxury tax and GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL.

Ode to a Hamster

Posted: June 7, 2012 in Animals, Family, Kids
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   When my daughter was very young, we bought her a hamster. She promised to take care of a hamster if we would buy her one. But anyone who has bought their child a hamster, knows how that goes.

   It became my job every day to ensure “Wilbur” had food and water. On Saturday, it was my job to rid the hamster cage of that hideous odor that was a result of the food and water. It was my daughter’s job to watch the hamster while I washed the cage. She would set Wilbur on the sofa next to her and pet him while she watched Saturday morning cartoons. When I would bring the cleaned cage in, I’d ask her, “Where’s Wilbur?” to which she would answer, “He’s right here beside… Where’d he go?” Then we’d spend the rest of the afternoon searching under beds and in closets for him.

   One day, I went to feed and water Wilbur, but he didn’t move. He had passed away in the night.

   I tried to think of the best way to break the news to my daughter. I went to her room, and sat beside her. “Honey, Wilbur died last night. He’s not with us any more,” I said.

“Well, where is he?” she asked.

“God took him to heaven to be with Him,” I said.

She thought about it for a minute and asked, “What does God want with a dead hamster?”

Kid’s notes to God

Posted: May 31, 2012 in Family, Kids, Religion
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Colors

Posted: May 28, 2012 in Family, Kids, Work
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A child's drawing

   As an elementary school teacher, my wife taught very young children the basic concepts of numbers, letters and colors. One of her assignments was for the children to color a group of people with different colors of hair. One little boy, Tommy, was having an unusually difficult time coming up with any colors other than black and brown.

   “Look around the class,” my wife said. “What color is Emily’s hair?” pointing to a cute little freckled girl with strawberry blonde hair.

   “Hur hair is wed!” Tommy said with excitement.

   “Okay, then color someone’s hair red,” she said. “Now what color is my hair?” she asked, running her hands through her own blonde hair.

   “Oh yeah” Tommy said without hesitation, “Gwey!”

 
Another coloring story.
 
Why University of Tennessee fans wear orange.

 
 

A picture I saved from the old Sears and Roebuck catalog. It’s so funny.

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   In many ways, it’s obvious that men and women are different. But there are subtle differences as well. For instance, women sit and walk with their elbows tucked in, men sit and walk with elbows out.

   If you ask a woman to ‘look at her nails,’ she will hold her hand with the back-side up; fingers pointed straight out to see how her nails look compared to each other, and in the overall presentation of hands, fingernails, rings, and bracelets. When you ask a man to ‘look at his nails,’ he will hold his hand palm-up, curling the fingers back to examine the length, cleanliness, and evenness of the nails. When it comes to many subjects, men and women simply have different points of view:

   Nicknames:

– If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other ‘Laura’, ‘Kate’ and ‘Sarah’.
– If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as ‘Fatz’, ‘Moe’ and ‘Dingle’.

   Lunch:

– When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in a $20, even though the bill is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and no one will admit they want change back.
– Laura, Kate and Sarah each carry a pocket calculator and a purse full of pennies for such occassions.

   Shopping:

– John will pay $2.oo for a $1.oo item that he needs.
– Sarah will pay $1.oo for a $2.oo item that she doesn’t need, but is on sale.

   Clothing:

– If Laura and Kate wear the same dress to a party, one of them will slip into the restroom and remove their hem or cut the sleeves off, to differentiate themselves. Either way, Laura and Kate will hate each other for months.
– If Mike and Dave wear the same shirt to a party, they will hug and laugh, and joke to everyone that they are really twins separated at birth.

   Vanity items:

– Dave has six items in his bathroom: 1) toothbrush, 2) toothpaste, 3) shaving cream, 4) razor, 5) a comb, and 6) a bar of soap.
– Kate has a least 40 items in the bathroom that she can’t live without. This includes such things as blush brushes in four different firmnesses, an articulated eyelash curler, and both hair-curling and hair-straightening irons. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

   Arguments:

– A woman must have the last word in any argument.
– Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

   The future:

– A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
– A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

   Success:

– A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
– A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

   Automobiles:

– A man describes a car by year, make, model, trim level, horsepower, torque, and top speed.
– A woman describes a car by color.

   Marriage:

– A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
– A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

   Cleaning up:

– A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
– A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, or get the mail.

   Natural beauty:

– A light beard and mussed hair make a man look ‘rugged’.
– A light beard and mussed hair make a woman look old.

   Children:

– A woman knows all about her children. She knows their bithdays, their next dentist appointment, their best friends, their romances, their favorite foods, their secret fears, and their hopes and dreams.
– A man is aware of some short people living in the house and making noise.

   Closing thought:
– A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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Why men don’t write advice columns

Questions and answers about women

 
   Two college kids were making the rounds of the neighborhood wanting to earn some money for school. They weren’t having much luck, so they decided to stop at the biggest house in the neighborhood, proposition the homeowner, and they weren’t going to take no for an answer.

   They knocked on the door and the homeowner answered. “Good evening, sir. Do you have any odd jobs we can do to earn some money?”

   “No,” he replied.

   The college kid wedged his foot in the door. “But sir,” he continued, “Surely there is something we can do to earn some money; mow your yard? clean your garage? empty your trash? clean out the gutters? Annnnything?

   “OK,” the man said, “I’ll pay you each $50 to get the gallon of green paint in the garage, take it around back, and paint the porch.” “Oh, thank you, sir, thank you,” one boy said. “You won’t be disappointed!” chimed in the other.

   Several hours later, the boys knocked on the door. They were covered with splashes of green paint from head to toe and it was even matted in their hair. “All finished!” the one proudly announced. The man paid them and told them good-bye.

   The boys got a little ways from the house when one turned to the other and said, “He didn’t pay very much.” The other replied, “Well, he wasn’t very smart, either.” “What do you mean?” the first asked. The other replied, “Didn’t you notice? That wasn’t a porch, it was a Mercedes.”

 
Paint your car with a roller for under $50