TOP TEN Annoying Traits of a Girlie-Girl

Cynthia Ann Stephanie Lauper achieved success in the mid-1980s with the release of album 'She's So Unusual' in 1983, which spawned four Billboard Hot 100 top-five songs, one of them, 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun.'

 
   I was reading a friend’s blog the other day, and she was simply making some observations about her three daughters. Having my own daughter, her observations hit home. So thank you Carinda Kerr, for the idea for this TOP TEN list. Without further ado, here are the TOP TEN Annoying Traits of a Girlie-Girl:

10. Their Love / Hate Relationships: How can Girlie-Girls totally love each other one minute, and a half-millisecond later want to tear every last strand of hair out of each other? It’s a well defined scientific fact that in Girlie-Girl’s world, ‘Two is company, three’s a crowd.’ Any two girls can get along fabulously. But add a third, and you’re looking for trouble. Just like in Quantum Physics, two will always bond against one. This can be defined by the equation:
but it cannot be understood.

9. Their Cute Suits: When Girlie-Girls see each others’ outfits, they say, “Oh, I love it”, “It’s so cute on you”, “I would totally wear that!” But, if two Girlie-Girls show up at a party wearing the same thing, it’s on. Watch out for flying insults and obscenities. And momma has no taste in clothes – that is, until Charise shows up at school in a tie-dye Summer dress just like the one in momma’s closet (er, make that, used to be in momma’s closet).

8. They are Fashion Fickle: Girlie-Girls change clothes twenty-four times a day. Seriously. They’ve been home ALL DAY and their drawers are empty and the hamper is full. They try on clothes and if it doesn’t fit their mood, or the shade of red doesn’t match their lip gloss – it goes in the dirty clothes for mom to re-wash, re-iron, re-fold, and put away for tomorrow’s fashion quest. I know, because folded clothes frequently end up in the hamper. And why do they care so much which bathing suit they wear and whether the top looks good with the bottom in our own back yard with zero probability that anyone outside of our household will see them?

7. CH..CH..CHanges: Changing clothes aside, why do Girlie-Girls change their MINDS so frequently? Pull up to the drive-in window with three girls and ask, “What flavor ice cream do you want?” They reply, “Vanilla. No, chocolate. No, strawberry. No, cherry….” (One of the girls decides she adamantly wants vanilla). Now ALL the girls want vanilla. But one wants chocolate sprinkles. No, pink sprinkles. No, purple sprinkles…

6. Girlie-Girls are Pack Rats: Why can’t we walk anywhere without picking every last weed….err, I mean flower…and then leaving them all in my car? Look in a girly-girl’s room. You will find a drawer full of ticket stubs: football, theater, concert. They are usually kept in the drawer next to the drawer full of different brands of empty chewing gum boxes. Need money? Look for change under her bed. Need a pencil stub? There are several to choose from, behind her desk, up against the wall. Need a hair scruchy? There’s a box in the closet… and a bag in the dresser… and some under the bathroom sink. Need to see last year’s social calendar? It’s in there too.

5. Girlie-Girls leave Crime Scene Forensics: Why do they leave so much evidence that they have been wherever they go? For example, if girly girl decided to make breakfast on her own, she will leave the following clues: a bath towel draped over a chair, four cabinets left open, the spoon drawer hanging out, a gallon of milk on the counter, milk spilled on the bar, the lid to the milk on the floor, cereal box on the stove, cereal flakes in the sink, a pair of scissors in the window sill, and two ‘box tops for education’ in the fruit bowl, despite the fact you don’t do ‘box tops for education.’

4. To them, It’s just Jewelry: Two hours before the prom, Girlie-Girl will ask, “Mom, can I borrow your gorgeous 16-inch, 24-karat gold necklace, the one that belonged to daddy’s grandmother and he gave it to you when he got down on his knees and proposed to you on Valentine’s day in front of the whole office where you worked?” Then, two hours after the prom, they ask, “What necklace?”

3. The Appeal of the Squeal: Girlie-Girls squeal. Actually, they scream. And they scream all the time. They scream when they are frightened, They scream when they are scared. They scream when they are hurt. But they also scream when they’re excited. They scream when they’re happy. They scream when they first see each other, and upon each subsequent meeting. They scream when they hear a joke. They scream when they get an idea. They scream when they’re giddy, then they scream at each other when they get mad. They scream really, really loudly when they are mad!

2. Why do they cry so much? If they aren’t screaming, they are crying. In addition to the list of things they scream about on Item #3, they cry if they think someone may be mad at them, or they think that someone looked at them, or a certain boy didn’t look at them. Or their best friend’s neighbor’s dog growled at them. I have often thought, “Crying? Again? Seriously?” Let me give you something to cry about: my boss at work, taxes, gas prices, tuition, the rent is due, and the car broke down… again.

1. They’re A Stranger in our Midst: Why are Girlie-Girls so unpredictable? If someone asks (and this happened for real yesterday), “Do your girls like carrots?” I honestly don’t know how to answer. It seriously depends upon their mood, if it’s sunny or rainy, the temperature in the house, if their best friend’s goldfish smiled at them six hours ago and if they have the right kind of shoes on.

A BONUS ANNOYANCE: My friend Carinda has three girls. She says of the total improbability of getting a really great picture: Why can’t I get ONE picture where all THREE of them are looking at me, with all SIX of their eyes open and all THREE mouths smiling?

TOP TEN rules for dating my daughter